i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
