capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
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