So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
