I think I won the penis lottery.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
