Your face is a jimmy john
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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