I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
