I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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