Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
You're a waste of cheezeits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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