picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
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