soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
There's even glitter on my cock...
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
