I'm gonna have a badass scar
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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