Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Randomize
