he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
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