Old men and throwing up are my life now.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
