your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
