smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
