My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
