I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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