They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
