paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
