I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
