just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
