I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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