If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
