i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
