Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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