Are we in a gay sports bar?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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