Need sex. Gaining weight.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
