fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
