Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
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