i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Still dying that you shit outside
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Ladies don't puke and tell
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
