She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
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Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
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If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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