YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
