Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Two words: nipple clamps
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