I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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