Betty ford says i'm here all night
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
