I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize