So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
