If that was your dad, he is hot
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
