i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
