and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
