Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Someone shattered a urinal.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
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