She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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