u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
