Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
