My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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