He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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