I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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