ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
There's even glitter on my cock...
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