Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
