Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
