It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Randomize
