I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
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They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
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The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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