dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Boobs speak an international language.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
