you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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