so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
