Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
