hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
