woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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