So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
